from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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