My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
