I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
