I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
