the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
