Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
