my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
