I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A+ Viking dick
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
