she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
