You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
