I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
