i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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