Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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