You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
soo... how was my night?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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