i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize