I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
