have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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