im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
