saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
