My room smells like vodka and shame
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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