So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
