OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
