we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
