Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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