he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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