Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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