That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
