i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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