I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
