I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
