My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
