I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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