I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
