I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
