hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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