I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
