airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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