you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
