dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
