It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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