Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
