You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
