If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
