My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
