she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm way too hungover for life right now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
