you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Actions speak louder than pants.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
