There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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