You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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