don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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