The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
