We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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