so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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