so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
