oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
