When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
