Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
